See Double You

As I stood at the kitchen sink washing up the dinner dishes tonight, listening to the icy rain fall outside combined with the running water of the faucet and the clingy-clang of my washings, I happen to discover the tiniest cellar spider, no bigger than your pinkie nail and virtually transparent out of the corner of my eye.  Hanging delicately from its web just in front of me, I had to take care to not brush or inadvertently blow it away as I worked to clean the kitchen.  Being a former “professional” dishwasher at one of the local, now defunct dining establishments, I have a almost robotic and speedy knack for washing dishes.  This nightly task also serves as a zen-like meditation exercise for me, allowing me to be mindful of where I am, but also providing my mind with the ability to wander and ponder what it wishes.

The discovery of my companion at the sink immediately reminded me of how fragile our life is, and how amazingly easy it would have been for me to not even notice the existence of this tiny visitor, and to perhaps erase it without even the slightest regard.  Meaning no harm, and perhaps not even without the intelligence to be aware of my intentions, this tiny living thing had come down to check out what I was about at 9:30pm, and perhaps also to enjoy some of the water that the sink provides.

As cliche’ as it sounds, we in Western society have grown accustomed to using December as the month and “season” to open our hearts a bit more.  I’ve lately wondered why we can’t do this for all twelve months of the year, and perhaps what the harm would be in doing this.  Though it certainly could damage (or improve?) the commercial industry, the thought of consistently making a conscious effort to not take for granted those around us, to keep our hearts open, and to ask nothing in return, is not just what the holidays are about, but what we as humans should be about.  Consider what this planet would be like for ourselves and our children and those that share it with us if we lived our lives like this always.

Happy holidays to my readers, and next time you discover a spider in your travels, remember what you’ve read here.  Life is fragile, harm no one, and keep your heart open.  A little compassion will come around and back to you some day, and you may find yourself living the life you’d like to see if you can keep these things in mind.

I recently came to the realization that we are all just dumb animals.  Go to any public place such as a grocery store, shopping mall, or even just downtown, and you’ll see.   This link , not real different from this link , proves it.

Now granted, that’s a harsh way to open the gates on my annual pre-holiday commentary, but if you still maintain the ability of self-thought, and honestly take the time out to watch people around you, you should come to the same realization.  I spent several hours of my life this past week watching Wall-E with my children, and my wife and I both decided it certainly was more of an adult than children’s movie.  Though it was a computer-generated cartoon, it was essentially a movie with a substantial amount of meaning regarding how we members of Western society are headed in terms of laziness, excess, and overindulgance.  From the endless hits to the groin and clumsy stupidity that floods America’s Funniest Home Videos, to the fact that we are actually convinced to buy a fast-food hamburger because it now contains “real beef,” we heralds of a modern society of convenience have somehow convinced ourselves to blindly pride ourselves in our gluttonous ignorance.

Americans have just made one of the most important decisions in modern history by voting in a President running on the platform of change, but what most cease to realize is that it is now not our jobs to sit idle and wait for that President to create that change, we instead have to be inspired to change ourselves and the world around us.  It is this ignorant attitude created partly by the retail land of convenience that has confirmed that it is ok for us to think “its not my problem, let the other guy worry about it.”  We think that as long as our televisions are high-def, as long as Starbucks doesn’t run out of coffee, and as long as Kohls will be open at 4am on the day after Thanksgiving, who could care less about anything else.

Once again ladies and gentlemen, I emplore you.  Take one minute, take two minutes, take as long as is convenient (please, I don’t want to interrupt your television routine or current text message conversation), and consider how you live your life.  Consider what is truly right for this planet.  Consider what is right for your children, or your neighbor’s children.  Consider what is right for your town, your state, for Africa.  How are you living your life today, and how is it impacting those things that you think are right?  Are you eating right?  Are you buying what you should and from whom you should?  Are you buying too much that you’ll just throw away?  Are you giving when you can give?  Are you treating others the way you would like to be treated?  How many of those things you consider can you honestly say to yourself that you’re doing the right way.  This is the change you have to make.  No one will make it for you, and no one is going to force you.  You have to realize.

I recently learned that the first time someone in China actually inscribed the name of our country, he accidentally wrote it as “The United People of America” as opposed to “The United States of America.”  I think that was a pretty good mistake to make.

This holiday, make some change, see the difference.  The reward, a gift in itself, is priceless.

as we approach the holidays, as well as a crossroads in our country’s future… I thought this image important…

The gradually dropping temperatures and changing of foliage from an overwhelming green to variations of yellow, red, and brown means that Autumn is once again upon us.  With this time of year, at least here in New England, comes the almost instinctive drive to get things buttoned up and prepared for the coming ice, snow and bitter cold of Winter.  Like the ant from the fable we all know, we New Englanders spend the remaining months of the waning year busy doing what we can to prepare.

With a list of stuff to do, I spent this past beautiful three-day weekend zooming from one end of our property to the next getting all the things done that needed to be done.  From mowing the lawn, to closing the pool, to acquiring two more truckloads of firewood, each day was spent full until fatigue set in and my legs and back would buckle.  I did however make sure that I took time for the elephant.

Regardless of what has to be done around the yard, regardless of what has to be done in the house, regardless of what has to be done anywhere, I never lose sight in making my children a priority.  In between stacking firewood, painting walls, and cleaning, my children took advantage of daddy’s playful nature.  Attacked and ultimately tackled after a bit of harmless ’sparring’ by both the 2 year-old and 5 year-old working as a team, daddy found himself a beast of burden of another kind.  Coerced into mimicking the behavior of a hulking elephant, I slowly lumbering about our two acres with sixty pounds of additional weight that struggled to stay aloft the skinniest (and only) “elephant” they’d ever ridden.  The giggles and joy that Sophia, Duncan and I shared swiftly erased any thoughts of having more important things to do, as well as any physical pain that I was already feeling due to fatigue.

These relatively brief moments in life remind me how important our children are to us all.  Whether or not you are a parent yourself, it is important to recognize how vital it is that our children get the attention they desire and deserve.  By taking time playing with them outside or taking the time to answer the multitude of questions they ask which rely on our wisdom, we the adults of this world have to remember that it is their world we are taking care of now, and their world that we will leave behind.  This is why it is so important that we not only teach them what is right and wrong in this world today, but we also must do our very best to not leave a mess behind us when we are gone.  Instead of planting your child in front of the DVD, TV or Playstation while you suffer through your day to day, find something you can involve them in that will encourage their imagination.  By reading a book, building something, or even something as simple as allowing them to help us cook, we are encouraging their imagination and helping them to gain an ability to think for themselves and grow up to be capable of handling the many challenges in life.   As I stated in a prior post, these small lumps of clay are our only hope to create the world we’d all like to live in.  The most important thing we can do is see to it that they are molded appropriately.  As the “old” song (sorry Mom and Dad!) goes, “Teach, your children well”…

Ah the election…  Nothing unites a democratic country more than standing behind an individual or group of individuals to support them in their quest to become one of our nation’s leaders.  Whether it be at the local, state, or federal level, you can tell when election day is coming up when we see people’s front yards littered with blue or red campaign signs, and the media is stuffed chock full of blather related to the strengths and weaknesses of those on this quest.

This time around, I find myself much more aware of a significant problem with this entire process that I find counter-productive to what some would call an idealistic expectation of our future.  While these candidates throw themselves into the public spotlight, “unzipping their fly” for all to see, and we the people stand behind them, an overwhelmingly obvious wave of anger, hatred and ignorance passes from one citizen to the next as daggers of accusation and slander are thrown from both sides of battlefield.  From YouTube to local newspaper editorials, truth and more often rumors flood the public forums as we try to sway the decisions of our fellow voters.

I have already found myself caught up in this a few times, and each time I have had to remind myself that it is not healthy to speak negatively of anyone.  Though it is important to identify the strengths and weaknesses of those who we choose to be our leaders, it is also important to remember that every human on this planet makes mistakes.  Instead of generating negative emotions about these mistakes, we instead should be objectively taking them into account and making rational, intelligent decisions based on *facts* that take into account their strengths and weaknesses.  All too often we find ourselves easily becoming “sheep” to an idea or concept that poisons our mind, has a severe impact on our ability to make a conscious decision, and only makes us ignorant to the truth.  Too many people on this planet have become lazy in front of their televisions, computers, and even in their traditional ways that they refuse to use their own mind to make an independent decision.  At what point do you say to yourself, “what is honestly and truly the right way?”

Unfortunately, due to an overwhelming amount of negativity, hatred and ignorance in our world today brought on by bigotry, war, religion, as well as violence whenever we turn on the computer or television, most of us have turned off our ability to seek out this core belief in what is truly right, and have instead learned to feed and depend on these thoughts and emotions.  Prove me wrong, but show me one evening of television, starting with your local evening news, where hate, violence, and death aren’t what keep the ratings going strong.  If its not hate, violence and death, its usually slander and gossip, just ask Paris or Britney.  Ok, there’s American Idol and its relatives…and there is a glimmer of happiness there as people go on the search to fulfill their dreams, but other than that, all that I’ve seen is pain.  This my friends is why I’ve simply learned to turn it off.

So as election day  draws closer and closer, remind yourself that the gray stuff floating around under your hair-do is capable of much more than you ask it to.  Pull yourself away from the ignorant chatter, stop being lazy, and challenge yourself to become learned about something beyond how to program your remote control.  Do everything you can to make your best intelligent effort to create the world we’d all like to wake up one day to live in.  Its most definately not the easiest thing to do, but if each of us were to work a little harder at it, it could certainly be the most rewarding.

Continuing on the topic of accepting and embracing the challenges that life throws our way, the last couple weeks have been, if anything, consistent.  Another death of a friend, an unwelcome rodent in the kitchen, and significant changes in the daily rhythm and routine of life has provided us with plenty of opportunities to grow and strengthen as individuals.

Various recent social situations have reminded me of one particular aspect of human life that once again I feel the need to question.

Why is it that we find it necessary to paste labels?

Especially when referring to fellow human beings, but also with pretty much anything, it has become common human behavior to sneak our judgment of something into our description of that subject.  Granted, adjectives are a necessary part of describing what sets apart one noun from another, whether it be a mouse, a car, a man, a woman, a child, or a dog.  Unfortunately, all too often I hear humans finding the most judgmental or even worse the most negative part of that noun, and using that identifier to describe it to another human.  Like a virus, this negative judgment is passed on to that person and implants it into their mind without giving them the opportunity to form one of their own.  Only by mindfully working to remove negative labels from our daily conversations and thoughts do we free ourselves from placing harsh judgments, which then frees us from the ability for gossip, slander and negative emotions.  Next time an opportunity arises in passing judgment or providing a simple description, use it instead to pass on an objective or even positive opinion rather than one that degrades and slanders.

With prejudice and bigotry remaining a significant problem in society due to ignorance in politics, religion and how we are raised, human beings must learn to “create the change we want to be.”  We must stop looking to the person next to us, on the television, or at the podium running for office to make this change.  Only by changing our own behavior and using the same method to spread the cure as is used to spread the disease, we can gradually eradicate the problem and begin to see the world around us change for the better.  By “changing poison to medicine” and seizing these opportunites to grow and learn with our sons, daughters, friends and family, we can find the happiness in life everyone wants.

Having finally conquered the fun that is moving seedoubleyou.org from one host to another, and I won’t bore you with the nerdiesque (new word!) details, I can once again vent some creative energy…

The last few weeks have brought about some interesting challenges to our lives, all of which we approached with wisdom, courage and compassion.

A good friend of a friend, somewhat a friend of my own, someone who I had only memories of being a kind man with nothing but goodness in his heart, passed on at the young age of thirty-four recently.  Upon hearing word of his death, my feeling was shock and a bit of sadness.  It also reminded me of how impermanent this life is, and how important it is that we do everything we can with each minute we have.  A brilliant high-school teacher and someone who had created many wonderful memories with many friends, he will certainly be missed and holds a place in many hearts.

After work the day I heard the news, I did what I thought to be the best right-action and went to find my best friends who I knew would be grieving the loss of their friend.  Fortunately, I not only found them both and gave them comfort and compassion, but the evening turned into a night where my family and theirs spent time over a wonderful impromptu dinner, a bottle of wine, a six-pack of beer, and celebrating the memories we had of this kind man.  Initial tears and sadness were transformed into good food and happy songs around a summer night campfire.  By reaching out and opening our home to our friends, we had turned this sad event into an evening of happiness and appreciation for the love that friends have for one another.

One of the most important things to any parent is that our children have the best possible education available to them.  I was going to go off on an anti-government/public school rant here, but I’ve since deleted all that as that’s not the point of this post.

What is important is that my wife and I decided to send our daughter off to a private school where we believe she will receive the education she deserves.  With this decision has come the magic pair of scissors that has made that hole in our wallet significantly bigger.

After spending several days pretty bummed out that we were going to have to cut way back and go on what my wife likes to call an ‘economic freeze,’  we both put our heads down and dug in, much like we had in the past, to trim the fat and cut expenses as much as possible.  In addition, my wife decided that after spending the last five years playing mommy and housewife, that it was once again time for her to rejoin the all-American workforce, even for a couple nights a week.  After spending a few days working hard to find any chance at a weekend or weeknight job, coupled with some dedicated and serious Buddhist affirmation and inspiration, Alicia found herself not only employed almost immediately working as a home-care companion for the elderly, but within a week she was turning down opportunities that had arisen from her hard work.

Because of this, I am now blessed with several more opportunities to spend “daddy time” with my children during the course of a given week, and my wife finds herself with a bit of “me-time” that she often longs for.  Our financial woes have not disappeared, though they have diminished by my wife and I showing courage and wisdom to do what is right for the good of our home and we have created a beautiful experience from one that could have brought our family down many more unfortunate paths.

By “making lemonade out of lemons” and remaining mindful enough to create a positive experience from any challenge we face through the use of wisdom, courage, and compassion, Alicia and I have learned to take each moment as an opportunity to grow as individuals, and to help those around us to learn to live their lives the same way.  I often wonder what would happen if the global mindset were similar…

but that’s for another post…

When I was growing up, my Mother strictly forbid me from playing with toy guns, nor did she allow anyone to give me a toy gun as a gift.  Somehow though I would always find a way to make a gun, whether it be from legos, lincoln-logs, or sticks found in the yard.  No matter what Mom the 60s flower-child tried to do, she couldn’t keep her young boy from playing war.

If it wasn’t actually pretending we were fighting ourselves with sticks, legos and rubber bands, we also had many other ways to play war.  Plastic red Indians and white cowboys would battle for territory on the bedroom floor, while the little green army men would wait their turn to battle their grey German counterparts when the white cowboys emerged (as they always did) victorious from their own skirmish.  The late-70s Star Wars, Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica craze paved the way for imaginary space battles between good and evil as well, but it was never as fun as the battles between the cowboys and Indians or axis and allies.  Marketing geniuses of the late 20th and now 21st century turned those of us who grew up this way to video games of the same nature.  Good versus evil, black versus white.  Granted, some of these battles we pretend to fight were just, but some were (or are) not.

A year or more ago, a basket full of these plastic figures, including red Indians, white cowboys, dinosaurs, tigers, and perhaps a smurf, appeared at our house from my in-laws.  My children have yet to really embrace these toys, yet I now see how my mother felt more than thirty years ago.

As I was standing in the shower this morning, I noticed that one of the white cowboys was laying down in the soap dish as if he had taken an arrow or bullet from some unknown foe from perhaps the direction of the vanity.  I then remembered that there was in fact a red Indian stationed over by the sink with his flaming arrow pointing in this direction.  Both of these toys of course had been left behind by the children, neglected from one of their many sessions in the big bubble bath.

Standing there in the shower, I contemplated what these toys represented.  The white cowboy, hero, pistol drawn and at the ready to level any nasty bad guy that dare cross his path.  The red Indian, proud warrior, arrow ablaze and bow drawn, ready to burn and destroy.  It boggles the mind how insensitive the civilized world can be, all in the name of marketing and what we have learned from Hollywood and history books.  When my deeds were done in the bathroom, I picked these two little warriors up and put them inside the medicine cabinet.  There was no need to send them off to pollute a landfill, but there was also no need to display these symbols of violence in my home.

I know that it is impossible and probably not advisable to completely shield and protect my children from the realities of war and violence.  In fact, I think that it is probably more healthy to expose them to some of these realities so that they can gain an understanding of what humans are capable of doing to one another, why it just isn’t right, and what better, non-violent solutions exist.  Putting Mr.Cowboy and Mr.Indian (or Native American as we’ve only too late learned to label them) in the medicine cabinet was only one small step in molding my two small bits of clay into people who will create the world we’d all like to live in.

“Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

\  On a comical aside…  I would like someone to explain to me why all my best ideas come up in the bathroom.  Not in the car, not lying in bed, not anywhere else where I seemingly have the same solitude, just in the bathroom where most of the time, it is at least my pants that are off.  Anyone?

Kindness and compassion for every living thing improves the life state of the subject, as well yourself.

On our way home from Newark we stopped off for bit to eat, hungry from a long afternoon in the car.  While soaking in the atmosphere of this restaurant on a busy Friday night, I took notice of the person responsible for clearing and cleaning tables.  A short, somewhat stocky girl, she zoomed around the restaurant hefting heavy tubs full of dirty dishes on her shoulders over and over while we the patrons sat and enjoyed our meals.  As our meal came to a close, she happened to notice my empty plate and asked me whether or not it would be alright to take it.  “Absolutely” I replied, and followed that up with a compliment regarding how great of a job she was doing and how I had noticed how hard she was working.  I then asked her if anyone else that night had also told her this to which she replied “no” in what appeared to be the shy and quiet tone of someone not used to interfacing directly with the customer.  I reiterated my compliment and she went off with a smile to resume her duties.  Shortly thereafter, we payed our bill and got up to leave for the rest of our ride home and just then, a quiet voice caught my attention, “have a good night” it said.  This same, shy girl, taking an extra couple seconds from her nightly routine, wanted to ensure that we, the same people that  had done the unexpected and paid her an unexpected compliment, returned the favor with words of kindness as we left her place of employment.  For me, not the good food or the good beer, that was the best part of our meal.

Cliche’ as it may seem, I have learned that being mindful to give these random acts of kindness whenever possible not only improves the lives of those you might otherwise ignore or take for granted in your day to day life, but in turn, it improves your own.  From the tollbooth operator in your commute, to the co-worker you pass in your day to day, to the old lady you hold the door for at the grocery store, it is amazing how often and easily these opportunities to improve your life state present themselves.

With an inability to come up with one particular thing to write on, and a desire to not post a visual commentary this time, I came up with an idea to post some things I’ve learned lately. Hopefully it will become a reoccurring thing…

1. Eating vegetarian, at least part-time, isn’t that bad at all. But I still don’t have to like tofu, and you can’t make me. To go along with this, all Germans don’t eat wienerschnitzel and all Americans don’t eat just meat and drive big fat SUVs.
2. Renovating a room or two isn’t as simple as HGTV would like you to believe. This corresponds to an earlier post of mine. Kill your television. ITS EVIL!
3. As cliche’ as it sounds, the best thing we can do for our children is teach them well. Even if it means going flat broke.
4. Snow tires make all the difference in how well your car performs in the snow.
5. Daylight Savings time sucks. All it does is make you late for a week (or more).
6. Don’t assume you can figure out how to get around in downtown Boston your first time there. Everything is connected by tunnels and one-way streets.
7. Drunk drivers are dangerous to themselves and to those on the road with them. If you see one, call the police. You’re paying them, and they’ll thank you.
8. Even in today’s fear-addicted society, it is still possible to see the good in a total stranger, to trust them enough to invite them into your home, and to create with them a wonderful experience that enriches the lives of everyone involved.